Yes, I am a &*%^&$ control freak…

• Posted on July 1, 2011
• in Cerebral Palsy, Disabled Children, Parenting
• by sheri

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I like things to be a certain way.  I like the silly little things to be right because I believe that if they are in order, the big things will work themselves out.  I must make the beds everyday, put things in certain places, organize the linen closet, frequently change the shower curtain, polish the silver no one sees, and have the flip-flops near the front door.  If I don’t put the swim club badges in the right place at the end of the summer, winter will surely be doomed.

But, I am not really a neat freak and I am not particularly regimented. However, if I can just make sure the pillows are nice and neat, nothing bad will happen to us.  In one week, I will be leaving my home and my husband to go 13 hours away with Max.  I have been planning this trip since last July so that he can go to a therapy camp for kids with CP in Michigan.    We are spending money that might not really exist and I am separating our family for a long time.  I am essentially ditching Sophie for several weeks when she returns from camp despite how much I miss her already.  Why?  The camp teaches Conductive Education and if Max will ever progress from where he is now, I think this is the only way.  I have been convinced that nothing but body work for more than a  month will help him learn to walk.  But what if it doesn’t?

What if all of this is for nothing?  What if it is a giant expensive hoax and I am a big stupid sucker?  I have no way of knowing… I have no guarantees and my hope is wearing thin.  He was doing better than he is now a few months ago and those precious few days when he seemed like he might be walking without his walker were fleeting.  I am basically praying for a Michigan miracle.  And, so all I can do is  keep organizing every single drawer, every closet, alphabetize the spices and  put the toothbrushes in size order. If the little things are in place before I leave, just maybe we can get big thing to shine down upon us… please.