Paper plates??

I am a fairly confident person but I have my areas of insecurity just like any normal 42-year-old woman.  I am not obsessed with anything in particular nor do I truthfully care all that much about what my hair, nose, skin, body, bikini line, thighs, wrinkles, abs, tush, ears, or whatever look like. 

Even my parenting has fortunately escaped the wrath of too much “comparing” or too much worry. Hell, if anyone wants to jump right in with suggestions, be my guest. But, I have my limits too.

I just got assigned “paper plates” for the class Thanksgiving party.  Secretly, I am thrilled.  I can provide “paper plates” without even opening my eyes.  Hun can even steal them from work and I don’t have to lift a finger.  And, really…. what kid really wants cranberry sauce in 1st grade anyway?

But, there is something very sinister  here.  “Paper plates” gets assigned to the mom who forgets things, has a messy house and can’t remember to show up to read to the class. “Paper Plate mom” might even smoke…. 

“Paper Plate mom” doesn’t wear cute leggings and boots with a stylish bauble necklace like I just did to Back to School night.  “Paper plate mom” wears sweatpants ( and not the good kind.)   “Paper plate mom” might even be…………..wait for it…………divorced

Is this some new kind of mommy-war?  Did I offend the PTO powers that be? The good moms get cupcakes or juice boxes, or even carrot sticks.  Where oh where oh where did I go wrong? Is this some kind of insult?  I am too much of a big shot ( my father’s favorite insult) now that I am a politician to be asked to even make chocolate chip cookies? Is it because I have the strange-looking kid with a disability?  Is this disability-discrimination right here in our home town?  I think there is something fishy going on.  I might have to sue someone.  See, I am even a lawyer.  “Paper plate mom” can’t be a lawyer, seriously, I have a diploma I can show you.

I am not “paper plate mom.”  I have a nice, clean house with granite counter tops for god’s sake.  My appliances are stainless steel and  I even have  Pumpkin-Spice air fresheners.  What’s the deal? 

Maybe I really am “paper plate mom” and I don’t know it…Why didn’t someone tell me? Now, I  have to start smoking and get divorced… this is not good.

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2 Responses so far.

  1. Hi Sherry, Don’t know if you remember me from MN. Rob Rosenstein posted your blog on FB and I have been reading it for the past hour. You are a gifted writer and obviously a wonderful parent. Thank you for making me laugh and cry and think and feel blessed. I look forward to reading more!

    Leslie Coale Brown

  2. wearingcostumes says:

    Leslie- Of course I remember you! Thank you so much for reading and please keep coming back… I am sure there will be plenty more laughs and tears to come… I have an endless supply of material!

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