Optical Illusions

I suddenly have so many thoughts swirling through my head… As those of you who read here as regularly as I write… not…know that summer often brings a overwhelming amount of consideration to all things Max. I don’t know if it is simply an inevitable mathematical result because Sophie is away every summer and the focus shifts from two to one or because things happen in the summer that that are so singularly physical that it is impossible not to return to CP mode.

I am on constant watch.  Summer camp has brought so much to the forefront.  Max is tired but not as tired as some of the other neighborhood kids who literally crash when they got home.  Max is often ready for more swimming and we hit the pool until 7 or 8 at night.  Is this because he is used to exhaustion on a global level or because he doesn’t do as much activity at camp due to what he calls, in a spot-on British accent,” being inhibited?”   Another of many anomalies is that he is tired and physically worn out, but he cannot sleep.  We are up at 3 a.m. every night and stay that way for several hours.

Max has scrapes and cuts and bruises and these are both shocking and exciting in a way.  He falls… a lot… so we are no stranger to bumps and scratches, but for the first time he has bruised thighs, and a banged up elbow. These injuries are like badges of courage and I hope he is proud.

Then again… He may have climbed the rock wall and walked across a log 10 feet in the air – but he also reports that “hockey and CP DO NOT go together, ”  a telling example of the things that cause him to feel great exist right along side of things that are close to Never.Going.To Happen.

Being outside at the pool with all the people who are also outside, (go figure) constantly alerts me to how big and strong and mature the other boys his age are getting.  He is getting bigger and stronger and more mature in his own ways, but he is still a good 4 years behind.  Of course, I don’t mean to suggest that he belongs in first grade, but his abilities and independence are just now hovering around those of a young 6 year old.  A small 6 year old who is just learning how to walk… I celebrate those advances, but my heart cannot help but still want more.

We have also taken a step backward in terms of walking this summer as Max uses his walker at camp all day.  It is because there is just no way he could get around the big camp on his own. I am not entirely sure that is true –   it is more like he is afraid of getting around but he is happier (an so is camp) relying upon his old friend. The trade off is camp or no camp. However, I am not entirely convinced that it is all good  as when he is home now, he forgets that he can walk and has not done much of it.  Again… is this because he is tired, growing, wearing new less supportive braces ( a step forward, but makes it all more difficult) or because the return to the walker has been a return to the walker?

Perhaps none of this matters…Should we just agree that we Elbow Max in carare always going forward even if it feels like that weird  illusion of going backward you get while driving next to another car?






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