Open, Close, Repeat
Hours and hours and hours of watching people do physical exercise is really freakin’ exhausting. I have to make the appointments, schedule ALL the things, plan what time we have to go, drive there, stop on the way for dunkindonutstarbucksmdonaldswendysmoredunkindonuts and then actually arrive on time to whatever appointment it is. If it’s Monday, there is the pool therapy. If it is Tuesday it is PT with A, Wednesday PT with L, Thursday PT with other L, Friday, Saturday, Sunday some sort of appointment with P or T or all of the above.
But see, I don’t actually have to do any sort of exercise at all during the appointments. The only muscle in my body that is really getting a work-out is my brain – analyzing and disecting every single minute of therapy evaluating what I think is happening or going to happen and registering how it will fit into my carefully orchestrated reality. The only other possible muscles that might be getting exercised are my tush muscles from sitting in all sorts of chairs, benches, stools, floors and mats. My entire life is now spent in a gym around people working out, and yet, I continue to remain completely out of shape and aging by the minute. However, it is possible that my arms are getting stronger from lifting, opening, closing, and opening again my giant calendar (a leather and paper large style Filofax. And yes, it is still 1989 thank you very much.) You would be amazed at how many reps I can manage to fit in just lifting, opening, and looking at what time the next scheduled appointment is and then promptly forgetting and having to lift it out of my tote bag, open it again, and repeat! In the course of an hour, I could theoretcially repeat that exercise at least ten times.
Then, there is the other thing that makes me very special. I perfected the art of eating while others are exercising. At first, you can just drink coffee and no one will really mind – after all – I am a very tired looking mom. I’m good with drinking the coffee, balancing the cup and simultaneously pointing out everything the therapists should be doing while also maintaining the previously mentioned calendar reps. Occasionally, I might spill a drop or two, but who’s counting?
After mastering the drinking, one can move on the more challenging task of subtle-eating while others exercise. It all started with a quick granola bar and moved swiftly to muffins, toast, crackers, and yesterday – I finally reached my fullest potential. In my defense, it did come at the end of a long and stressful day but… wait for it…
I brazenly ate a candy bar while sitting in the lobby of a gym! I AM truly the definition of an evolved woman. Yeah for me.