On again…off again

I was a blogger once. I thought that it was a descriptive personality characteristic and I liked saying it.  I thought it made me sound funky or hip or techy or interesting.  I don’t know if any of that is or was even true.  I also think it helped me sort out my not able to be still, quiet or medatative brain.  I since have often thought in terms of blog posts. Something happens or someone says something and I immediate want to write about it… I haven’t in a long time.  I stopped writing because I thought that is what I was supposed to do.  Someone criticized things I wrote and then repeated them back to me in a way that made me seem like someone I am not.  I am running for public office. A very small public, with not much office to it, but public and real none the less. If you are reading this, you know that. 

One or two of the things I wrote which were true and real, made someone think I was me sound too angry and curse-y ( as in, someone who curses a lot.)  I don’t curse unless I am really really angry and even then, not very often.  I decided it was too risky to have all my thoughts from the last 4 years available to anyone who wanted to google me and count how many times I used a dirty word.

What people think is still important and those  things are real, and I am still running and I actually just got a phone call from the Star Ledger ( how weird is that?) but I still want to say what is on my mind and I still want to be the person I thought I was before I axed the blog.  Is it selfish?  Is indulging ever thought and idea narcissistic and pompous? 

Oh well, I think I might do it anyway…

So, today, I got yelled at by a disabled man who lives in my mother’s apartment building because I parked in a handicapped spot.  She lives in a senior building with lots of disabled parking and I parked in on of the spots ( with my properly issued placard hanging conspicuously from the mirror) and I went inside to get her. I was picking her up to take her to the doctor, and out to lunch and help her in her apartment. I parked there while I went inside to get her, a person who cannot walk unassisted and even then, should probably just sit down.  

As we were walking to the car, I got in and the man started yelling at me.

Man : “You shouldn’t park there.  You are not disabled, you cannot park there.”

Me: “I am picking up my mother.” 

Man: “You can’t park there because she is not in the car with you…you need to park somewhere else until you pick her up.”  

Me: ” I have a proper placard and I can park here.”

Man ” No, you can’t, its the law. Not unless she is in the car with you.”

Me:  ” She is getting in the car and I am blocking you or something because I am about to move?” ( me, heart beginning to race because I do not like altercations.)

Man : ” No, but there are disabled people here and they need place to park and you are making it difficult for them.”

Me: …blank stare…

Man: ” You don’t have any idea how difficult it is.. you are breaking the law”

Me:  an even blanker stare because no words could possibly explain to this man, who is obviously very sure that I am making life harder for people and that  I do not know anything about disability…

Man: ” You should know the laws… you don’t know anything.”

Me: silence…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Here is what I know about disability…. it sucks. It consumes my thoughts and the life of my beautiful boy. It consumes the life of my beautiful girl and the life of my wonderful husband.  Just yesterday it consumed an entire afternoon at Max’s camp as I first gave a talk to lots of 6 year old children who wanted to know why Max can’t walk and if he is sick and if he can run without his walker, then we tried to figure out a way to get his new equipment to work and what the schedule for wearing braces should be.  It also consumed most of the morning and I unsuccessfully tried to find a way to incorporate therapy into a day that has no more hours or no more energy. I know more about disability than I know about anything else…and of this, I am actually proud. I know that my son is figuring out that he cannot shoot a water gun and walk at the same time. If you don’t think that is important, we might need to talk.  I also know that he goes through a pair of sneakers every day now… yes, he wears out an entire pair of sneakers every single day because of the way he is walking.  I am ok with that.  I don’t mind spending the money really, but I am wondering whether I will actually be buying 365 pairs of sneakers in the coming year and whether that is even possible.  Should I buy them in bulk?  

I could go on and on, but I think I made my point to myself.  I said none of this to the man, and I never would… but now I feel kind of embarrassed to see him ( which I do all the time) .. he actually thinks I am someone who would illegally park in a handicapped spot to make my life easier… HA!!! As if!!!





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