At this very second I am arguing with myself about everything.  I literally have those annoying  voices in my head and they are both pissed. My good fairy is disgusted with me because I am begging, literally begging to go back to sleep, eat junk all day and hide my face under the blanket.  My bad fairy is saying, “Hey, what wrong with a little rest,  you should just stop for one day, what’s the big f-in deal?”

This is what it is like in my head – no one in charge.  Its a virtual free for all and I need someone to  make the decisions because I clearly cannot be left alone with myself.  Here goes… I have been working out every single day for about 7 weeks, sometimes more than once a day, eating only good, clean, healthy food, doing the housework, finishing the laundry, even putting it away, paying the bills,doing all my work, cleaning the house, heck- I have even made dinner most nights.  I haven’t yelled at anyone, the kids are fine, I’ve seen some friends and I have even organized the filing cabinet.  I’m bored of being so damn good and I want to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and do nothing all day while Hun is hard at work and the kids are suffering at school.

Is that so terrible?  I have never, not once in all these years when I have been home, done nothing after the kids left for school.

I am seriously going to have a problem with being elderly… My term just ended on the Council, and while I am still involved in things, my meeting requirements are significantly limited, my semester hasn’t started and it will be an easy one, my house is as close to decorated and finished as it is ever going to be, my mother went and died on me, my kids don’t really need anything… even Max…and I am totally superfluous.  I thought I would get more bang out of working out and watching myself get skinnier everyday, but the thrill of staring at myself in the mirror while wearing yoga pants and a sports bra is kind of wearing off and it turns out that it is not possible to lose 10 pounds every day no matter what you do.

So, what next?



One Response so far.

  1. Sally Brown says:

    I love this –
    it is exactly why I love what you write- You can discribe in words stuff that is so basic to me that I don’t even know it about myself until I see it –
    I hate it when my brain has nothing to offer me but what next- and I really hate it when I am so surprised at my reactions to things- You would think by now, I would know more… Thanks so so much for letting me know that there is at least one person who is as crazy as I am… You ROCK!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.