Sure wish I were allowed to curse…


It has been a crowded place here in my brain this last month or so. It is like the closet door you have to shut quickly before everything falls out. Better to just walk past it without opening it I suppose.  Max, Max and more Max is all I have on the brain. I try as much as I can to squeeze in some work or thoughts about anything else, but truthfully there isn’t much room and the actual volume of my brain appears to be smaller now so there is less space for anything else…

He had surgery, he had pain, he was miserable but brave. He wore casts, leg immobilizers, took medication, missed school, caught up, missed more school, cried a lot, became depressed and anxious, tried to walk, took therapy, and tried harder than anyone could have ever imagined.  He recovered from the pain, got a bit happier, tried to play and relax, and continued to try to walk.  He can’t… ( I have added and deleted the word “yet” from that sentence ten times… insert if you want, leave out if you don’t)

Yesterday, we saw the surgeon, he was supposed to take the casts off so that everything would miraculously improve.  He takes one off and says the other was defective this entire time and puts a new one on the left foot.  I should have known it wasn’t right.  I had a feeling but I didn’t know for sure- I should have known, I did know, but I didn’t do anything about it because it seemed impossible that it would be defective.  Now, one more cast, lots of pain and the leg without the cast is weaker than ever…

Dr. Nutso (sic) still says the surgery was a success and that Max can walk…he just doesn’t know it yet. If he just walks and walks and walks with help, he will learn that he can do it without our help and that we should just keep going. Forgive me for being cynical, but WTF?

Since I am not allowed to curse in my blog anymore, I will just leave it at that!

One Response so far.

  1. Christie says:

    Don’t give up. You are still just one month out of surgery. I thought I had really messed up with Sterling’s surgery too. He actually didn’t get back to “normal” for two to three months. Even then, he was still not 100%. I think I can safely say that he was FINALLY back @ 100% after about 6 months. I STILL see improvements in him almost daily!! I know the feeling…. I really do. I thought I was going to go CRAZY – ( I mean crazier!) before he got better and back on his feet. He was RIGHT BESIDE ME CONSTANTLY for WEEKS! I had to help him do EVERYTHING. (Again, just like when he was 2 and 3 years old!) I felt like we had gone back 5 years instead of making an ounce of progress. Considering our results now, I would do it again tomorrow if needed. I really hope that you can get rest and peace of mind. I’m wishing the BEST for you and your Max.

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