Privacy Panel


It’s summertime and the pool is open!  Belonging to a pool makes me feel like part of a very lucky club – even if it is just the local town pool.  If I live around the corner from a pool – life must be good.

I have to wear a bathing suit if I am going to go in the pool.  After impulsively throwing away all my bathing suits last Labor Day with the misguided intent of losing 350 pounds, I braved the thought of buying new bathing suits.  This year, a quick trip to Target, where the bathing suits are made of Saran Wrap and fit 14 year old girls, just isn’t going to cut it.  The trip the the “Bathing Suit Store” in the mall shockingly revealed suits costing $275 or more.

Instead, I did what all the other middle aged women do, and shopped the Land’s End catalog.  I never did this before.  I have always prided myself (or deluded myself) for thinking that I was fit enough and young enough to be able to wear almost anything.

Unfortunately, I needed some serious bathing suit to hide a winter that was not- at- all kind to moi.  I started with the regular one-pieces, but the fact that you have to squeeze your bod into a single piece of material seemed risky.  I moved on to the slimming section – but those suits had so much material, criss crossing here and there, I feared so much sucking-in might cause my head to pop off.

I turned the page to glimpse the “swim dress.” Interesting idea, but unfairly named, “The Grecian Swim Dress.”  I am on to you Land’s End people.  You call it “Grecian”  but that is just code for “Toga,” which is exactly what I should be wearing.

Toga/swim dress was much too depressing and seemed  like I was throwing in the towel forever.  I was left with only one option  in the entire catalog – the “vintage style.” I suspect this one is coded “vintage” for the age of wearer- but happy for me, I am a vintage-girl.  This 1950’s suit boasts a “privacy panel,” whatever that might be.   So, people of the pool, if I  don’t say hello to you, don’t take it personally.  I am just hiding behind my privacy panel!

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