Oh, hi… I remember you!


For ye faithful readers who actually read the last post… we will begin with “Eating Too Much.”  

Ok…so, you know, I suppose I like to eat. As it turns out, one cannot just eat everything and anything one likes to eat. It has taken a while, but my daily Dunkin Donut visits have caught up with me.  It seems as though I probably should not have been inhaling several Vanilla Cream Donuts ( the powdery one with the icing inside… you know the one)  while no one was looking.

I can actually eat an entire donut before anyone in my family even sees me walking back from the cashier.  It takes a little skill to cover up the powdery residue, but it’s worth it.  If you eat it before anyone sees, you get to eat another one while sitting at the table with the “normal” people.  If it is not a long walk back to the table, I suggest you walk backwards for a few seconds to give yourself some extra time.

So, its no secret, I have gotten a little bit chunkier recently. ( Just a note –  If you are a handsome man who happens to be reading this, an old boyfriend from high school, summer camp, or nursery school, don’t believe a word of what I am saying… I have been known to lie…a lot!)

Coincidentally, I have recently spent a great deal of time with my mother in the hospital.  As it turns out, most of the people in the emergency room and in the hospital are overweight. They are typically overweight and dirty.  I have seen this phenomenon many times and it is no surprise, but trust me when I tell you… I have seen enough.  I am on a diet.

I went back to Weight Watchers.  I arrived at the registration and the woman said… “Oh hi, I remember you, you’ve been here before.”  Normally, I love when people recognize me.  I find it complimentary. However, when the WW’s lady remembers you, this is a bad thing… a very bad thing.  She might as well have said, ” Oh, hi, YOU’RE the lazy fat girl who likes donuts.” “Welcome back, you Weight Watchers drop-out, we were waiting for you to return… THEY always do!”

I sat in the first meeting, with two friends, and looked around the room.  I noticed that no one looked very happy.  Why would they be happy?  They were talking about how many pieces of pasta you are allowed to eat for dinner.  Not how many bowls, spoonfuls, or servings…how many PIECES.  Who counts pieces of pasta, and really, is that even possible?  What if two pieces stick together.  Is that one piece or two? What if one pasta shell is caught inside another and I don’t see it?  What then… a lifetime of wearing that stupid bathing suit with the skirt attached?

Then, my mind wondered to the philosophical questions of the day.  I thought about all the food in the restaurants and in the markets and on tv.  If we aren’t supposed to eat it, why is it there???  Why make a bacon double cheeseburger and curly fries with a large Dr. Pepper if no one should eat it?  Why?  Tell me please why there are 42 different kinds of donuts at Dunkin Donuts for no one to eat?? 

If we really are not supposed to eat most of what is available to us, why then is there not a slew of new chain restaurants such as Dunkin Vegetables?  How about Yogurt King? Maybe even Kentucky Fried Carrot Sticks?  Why doesn’t the advertisement read, “Come to All You Can Count Pasta Night?

Trust me, I am suffering over here.

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